she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
