just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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