So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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