i already hear my dad disowning me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
