We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I did not marry a roomba.
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