Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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