He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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