then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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