All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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