dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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