awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
