This house was built for laser tag.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
