haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
