I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
