i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
