No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
