Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
