I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
