just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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