i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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