to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
