she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
