you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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