Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
