i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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