She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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