Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize