would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
