using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
