Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
