To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We are two peas in an std pod
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
