That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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