one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize