I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
