i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
