WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
