Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
