I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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