Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
