he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
