I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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