i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
