What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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