and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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