Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
