I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
