dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do herpes really smell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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