HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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