Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
