you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
