please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
