I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
