I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
