whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
