i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
