my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
