Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
