Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just puked most of my soul out..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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