i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
