Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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