if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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