we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
