How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
