I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So much rum. So many feels.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
