nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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