If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
