He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
