Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
