I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
